The first (well 2nd) bliss fly0tread : about me and a special being thats part of me….I will leave Grandma for last.
In my world/multiverse/thing-a-majig (thats her word and ‘woss-name’ like Granny in Terry Pratchetts books{en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Pratchett }) to see or experience something new is my ultimate thrill. To taste a new fruit (and also observe its colour, shape and texture), to spot an insect I have never seen, to marvel at the tesselated pattern on the bark of a tree, or take a new perspective or interpretation of something is a thrill. In a way TRANSIENCE which is the essence of the path of life is my inspiration: it provides interest and excitment for me and I often wonder why people dont get the same pleasure from new things as I do. Many seem to be apprehensive find change or differences although perhaps they choose to blissfully ignore them to make their world simpler and ’safer’ I do not know (I shouldnt say it but the world is also full of stupid people- and many may think that of me also but thats fine!).
It is the unknown; that transient nature of existence, experience, friendships and the natural world that makes life so wonderful yet there is so much more doing that could be done to make it more extroadinary than it seems already. I am lucky I live in a wealthy country free of war yet even here there are the ups and the downs of life which seem so trivial in reality to the billions of poor malnourished hard working souls. This is something I often ponder and what value am I in the face of such adversity. I admit Im in a sence hedonistic and do things for myself but also help others where i may.
Back to transience and change my great interest is in nature and its changing forms and complexity. I have been facinated by plants since childhood and still have orchids and bonsai that I started collecting when I was about ten years old. I love to be in the desert where I grew up but also in the forests and recently discovered the amazing tropical reefs iin the islands of the Phillipines where I undertook the research component of my Masters degree in rice starch chemistry (and am still completing).
After the death of my grandmother who was possibly my closest friend or at least the most loved person in my life aside from my aunty who was schizophrenic and never married but lived with Grangma I became fearful of death and the horrors of the world. I believe my interest in nature: lichens, orchids, mosses, insects, and fungi was a subconcious search to find beauty and goodness in the world to combat the fear of dying and others experiencing the loss I felt when she passed away(but shes still here). I am more however intrigued with the unque intricate forms of small things – i.e. Plectorrhiza tridentata the tangle root orchid with its small yellow and black fragrant flowers only a few mm across is a marvel compared to hybrid giant flowering Cymbidium. Most people dont ‘get it’.
I find many do not observe the small details (and by contrary somtimes I think I am guilty of missing some of the larger more obvious facts of life and are terribly dissorganised with too many small fragmented details cluttering my brain) but for me, to notice the slightest new growth on a plant or to see a bird or an insect in my realm gives me the greatest of pleasure. If I have been away from a place for even a few days my excitement to get home and observe the differences in the garden is overwhealming and thats …well..transience and change and that MAKES ME BUZZ!
And what am I ? what are they (plants, people, birds, rocks, stars) ? I believe I will never know nor (perhaps) should ever know but I hope everything is all ONE an infinite wonder (a singularity perhaps…) and that is my faith in a way as terms of my mortal form (although I like to believe the possibility of ‘higher levels of conciousness and the planes where the soul may not be bound to the body and from child hood I have been ably to fly if I will it over places I have been, and I see them exactly as they are-testing this theory by flying over the same place in a plane, but for me to do that its quite exhausting). But in this life I will never know and thats what makes life LIFE the unknown….two people looking at something will not see the same thing, for this I am certain.
Life is wonderful,… dream, believe, travel, seek even though you will never in this life KNOW. And I know that the bad times in life only make me stronger and happen for a reason, and with my faith that my grandma is looking over me all things hapopen for the best. Perhaps there is a nirvana, a heaven, an afterlife or whatever you may like to call it (god?).
But in this life we are all here now, so why not make this your nirvana? My grandmother was a perfect example of this, she didnt go to church but she had faith, human goodness. She lived a hard life she could have complained and felt sorry for many things but she didnt. She was a woman who never said a bad word about anybody, always made sure anyone who came to the house was fed, and if someone needed something she gave it to them and I think for her the purpose and feeling of being a giver made her soul glow. That feeling of giving, and giving almost in secret; even things that she perhaps had more need for than those she insisted take them her a hapiness and a purpose that completely overpassed the materialistic need she may have had for them. And Im glad she is with me always, i just hope I can strive to be more like her.
To end, she never went to church except perhaps at eraster and christmas because she was a good person doing good deeds. And before she died she said ” If there is a heaven then Ill be pleasantly surprised”. I think if one keeps looking and seeking to notice the marvels of this world, is observant and looks for goodness and beauty in nature, loves friendships, and learns to forgive and leads a good life of giving, doing and compassion then your already in ‘heaven’ who knows. But many people live as if they will never die and die as if they have never lived…so whats it going be?
To quote Toni Morrisson from her book Sula;
” sometimes its shear good luck to miss someone long before they have left you”.
But of course she hasnt really left me ………….nor have the others
